JUNGLE JIM

AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT PASSES CONGRESS

2004-10-18T20:02:00.000-07:00

This is one of those satirical little esseays that some one writes and then sends across the intenet. I added the last and most appropriate part at the end.

AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT PASSES CONGRESS

May 23, 2005 WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping
legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans.
The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA), signed into law
by President John Kerry shortly after its passage, is being
hailed as a major victory by advocates of the millions of
Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence
and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for
themselves
in society," said Kerry, a longtime AWNA supporter.

"This is why many of them voted for me. We can no longer
stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and
passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer
be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers,
simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of
what they are doing", said Kerry.

President Kerry pointed to the success of the US Postal
Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing
opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately
80 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this
agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.

Private sector industries with good records of
nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales
(72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement
"warehouse" stores (65%).

President Kerry has also set an example, personally
selecting hundreds of Non-abled people for top government
positions, including many cabinet-level jobs.

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than
25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with
important-sounding titles but little real responsibility,
thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions
will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the
most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides
substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain
a significant level of Persons of Inability in top
positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium
businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for
every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make
it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled,
banning discriminatory interview questions such as
"Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have
any skills or experience which relate to this job?" and
"Are you awake?"

"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up
with people who have something going for them," said Mary
Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at
the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job
skills. "This new law should really help people like me."

With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of
other untalented citizens can finally see a light at
the end of the tunnel.

Said Kerry, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each
and every American citizen, regardless of his or her
adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this
great nation

Former President George W. Bush was the first to apply for employment under this act after the National Guard said they wouldn't let him back in to finish his tour of duty. He was immediately given a high level position at Enron with a corner office and a window where he can watch the Texas Rangers play. Mary Lou Gertz is now persuing legal action for that job on the basis that George W. does have ambition and only lacks real skills.

They are all grown up.

2004-10-02T15:58:00.000-07:00

Today is my youngest little girls 18th birthday. Funny, I don't feel any older. How can she get older if I didn't? Oh well, my two little girls are legal adults. I guess my wife, Jenny and I did well because they have both graduated high school and one is working fulltime waiting to get into school and the other is a junior at CSU Sacramento with a part time job.
Do I feel older?...maybe a little. Wiser?.... definately! I am also a little disconnected. Do all fathers feel this way? or just military dads who aren't always there. My youngest was born the day I graduated basic training. She has never known me without a uniform....

Work, work, work, PLAY!

2004-09-19T08:30:00.000-07:00

I know I said I was going to make at least one post per week but I have been busy! Actually thats a cop out. If I really wanted to make time to post I would have organized my time better, but me and organization don't always get along. I'm finally back on a 10 hour shift with no chow instead of the gueling 14 hour days (with no chow) I was putting in. For those of you who don't know what "chow" means equate it with lunch. Speaking of work I wanted to link to this article called "Do what you love and starve". As most of us blue-collar types (or in my case green-collar)can attest to, sometimes just having a job is a blessing. This article makes perfect ironic sense! Basically he says to find a place in the job market that needs to be filled and fill it. There are alot of jobs that need to get done that people aren't scrabbling over each other to do. I will let this article speak for itself.
I will add my own twist to it, of course. He speaks about doing jobs that are NOT want you want to do but in which you can consistanly make money.Most of us call it making a living! I do alot of things in the military that I don't really like but every job has its bad points. Getting shot at by terrorist is near the top of my list of unpleasent things in my career choice. Do I do it for the money....yes(not equal to civilian sector - but good benefits), but there are alot of side benefits. I get to help people, I am a part of the best military in the world!, I get to fix things (I am primarily a mechanic). I help shape our nation's young adults to be better citizens. If it is taken in perspective the military can provide some of the best job satisfaction available.
Here is my twist to the ideas above. Plan 1) Pick a career that you love and then get a job doing something in the same or a similar field that is not very popular. Get good at what you do. Work your way into the job you like. You can always fall back on your original job to make money if needed. Plan 2) Similar to plan one but get any job that makes a good living and get good at it. Don't have to love it, but you have to want to succeed at it and get good at it. Then start your dream job part time. It is Ironic that some of the things we think we want to do, we would hate if it was full time. If your dream job is that good, you will appreciate it more when you get it.
Personally I find that whatever job I am doing, If I try to do my best at it I will almost always get job satisfaction from doing it. It is simple, yet true. Note: I wrote this entry to inspire my 2 teenage daughters who are currently looking for work and for a friend in New York.

And Play.... my dream job is being a video game playtester! I am currently assisting the playtesting of a very popular online game and having a blast. I make exactly $0.00, zip, zilch, nada, nothing, etc... but I don't care because its fun and I bring home the bacon with my other job. In fact I play so much, that my family is shocked when I don't sit at my computer! I will be leaving it every Thusday though because I got hook on the current Survivor show. I don't know why it appeals to me. I don't normally like "Reality TV". Oh well, that is what I will probably be doing for a while when I'm not working on my truck or doing home improvement. Unless another Harry Potter book comes out! :-O

2004-08-29T12:33:00.000-07:00

The legedary Importance of the toilet paper roll holder.

Home Improvement and the toilet paper roll holder

2004-08-29T11:58:00.000-07:00

I am finishing the last of my vacation home improvement projects today and according to my daughter it is the most important - Installation of the toilet paper roll holder. Out of all the things I have completed in the last couple weeks ( Landscaping, Fence Replacement, roof repair, new outlets and lighting, etc...) the toilet paper roll for the girls bathroom is apparently the most essential. A few months ago I had extensively remodeled that bathroom (replaced everything including the floor and walls) and after cleaning up I realized that I forgot the toilet paper roll holder. No big deal I'll get it later. Well its been three months and I've heard nothing but complaints and gripes from the females in my house. Apparently this item is a key component to the "MOJO" of a proper bathroom. I had no idea that this would create such concern. I was informed by my daughter that this ranks right up there with putting the toilet seat down. Today the planets have aligned properly and the girls will get their wish.

2004-08-23T20:02:00.000-07:00

Another view and No I did not take these pics they are from the Princess Cruises web site.

I got Photos!

2004-08-23T19:55:00.000-07:00

I just got my first photo loaded... sure its not with the story but thats ok. Its a start!

2004-08-23T19:53:00.000-07:00

My cruise ship

More on irony

2004-08-23T17:52:00.000-07:00

Websters defines irony as "A way of speaking or writing in which the meaning literally expressed is the opposite of what is intended and which aims at ridicule, humor or sarcasm." With that in mind let me direct you to this funny little music video a buddy of mine sent. The song is supposedly sung by Pres. Bush and Sen. Kerry and is absolutely hillarious! This Land Just click on the Kerry-Bush buddy Picture.
A friend of mine is attending night school with me to get our BA's in Buisness. I asked him the other day what he was going to do after he retires from the military and he said that he was going to build a cabin in the way-back (AKA Deliverance) woods and just live away from people for awhile. So don't be too surprized if you go camping some day and see some accounting squirrels or grizzly bear advertisers (how appropriate!).
...Its like rain on your wedding day...Its like a free ride when you've already paid.... IRONIC by Alanis Morriset

Is "IRONY" what I'm looking for?

2004-08-22T19:22:00.000-07:00

I was reading Dave Barry's column this morning about above average drivers. Dave is one of my heros and by hero I mean that I don't get tired of him, but also that he would make a good sandwich name ( with that little extra something that gives it a kick but your not sure you want t0 know what it is). Anyway, He forced me to consider "Irony" as a main theme for my blog. After all irony is a main component in comedy and we all know that laughter is what makes life great! Further contemplation maybe needed on my theme, but I'm close!
Today was a good day. It was yard work day! When I say yard work that means that my wife gets out and mows the lawn and trims the hedges while I make fruit salad. I love working in the yard but my wife has said NO! Allergies you see. I love to do all that he-man stuff and brag to my male neighbors about how good my lawn looks today, but they see my wife out there doing the mowing, etc... and they are somewhat amazed that I got her to do it, but it kills my bragging rights. I've been seriously thinking about getting a quiet electric mower with headlights, but I'm not sure I could get her up in the middle of the night to mow the lawn. I am pretty handy with mechanical stuff. Maybe a remote control lawn mower? I'll submit it to the financial commitee (also my wife) and see how it goes....

My Cruise, but wait there's more. You also get...

2004-08-20T01:13:00.000-07:00

I referenced a cruise in my first blog, so I thought I'd at least tell you where I went: Barbados, Antigua, St. Lucia, St. Maarten, St. Thomas and San Juan PR. I will try to post pics when I figure out how to do that ( something about hello kitty or something...).
I did write about my San Juan stay to my friends which looked cool when I finished so I'm pasting it here:

"We spent disembarkation day in Purto Rico and had a blast. First we went to the hotel which was ok, but old and smelled funny. Then we took the bus across town to the Super Mall of the Americas. It was really big and had some cool sculpture but it was still a shopping mall like any other (most of the same stores, restraunts, etc...). So after a quick look around we headied to old San Juan. We were thinking about going to the rain forest but It would takeup alot of time and money. The bus was a quarter and we got to meet some really nice, average, everyday Puerto Ricans. The people were friendly especially after I started remembering how to speak Spanish (a little goes a long way!). The bus was only a quarter so we saw most of the city for $1.50 for us both which was cool. We spent a couple hours eating lunch and looking at castles, statues, and other "Cultural Old Stuff". After I bought a baseball cap we headed back to the hotel where we changed and then went to the beach 2 blocks away. The beach was perfect with warm water, bright sun and not too crowded. BUT, it couldn't last. After an hour and a half it started to pour down rain. We looked at the clouds and could tell it wasn't going to stop any time soon, so we hot-footed it back to the room and got cleaned up for dinner. We ate in a little restraunt nearby that was packed full of the unwashed masses (actually they were pretty clean but i always liked that phrase). The room was full of hard wooden chairs and tables and the floor was tile. The noise level from conversations was astounding! Most of what I picked up was about how PR won the Olympic basketball game against the USA. We had no problems getting home even with a short lay over in weathered-out Miami (where I got a baseball cap). We arrived home to a slightly messy house and slept for about 10 hours."

More to follow...

My first BLOG!

2004-08-19T22:53:00.000-07:00

WOW!! This is my first blog. My friends Julia http://javaliterally.blogspot.com/ and Matt http://welcomematt.blogspot.com/ told me about how to do this and I think it will be really cool. I have just returned from a cruise to the Caribbean where I had met them and finally got my cable modem working again. This is great because I was having Everquest withdrawls as soon as I got back and no internet access!
I have found it to be very useful to have goals in my life and my first goal for this blog is to make an entry at least once a week. I am in the U.S. Air Force though and subject to deployments, training exercises and long hours, so I don't promise anything. I will try to work on a theme for my blog though, and will set a date of Sep 15 to come up with something.